There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
