...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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