I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
