Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
