K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
