grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We are two peas in an std pod
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
