you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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