Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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