i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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