Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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