i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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