I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
