He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
