I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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