The maid of honor just puked.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
