so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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