now i know why i became what i already was.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
