Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
