The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
