i need an iv and a liver transplant
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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