If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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