There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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