You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
