Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
