did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I can't put those talents on a resume
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
