just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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