i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
