Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
