so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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