i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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