I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
