Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
