please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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