You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Watching her eat just hurts me
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
