i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Randomize
