Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
