apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
