I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
