My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
