i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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