enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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