And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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