Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
