stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize