I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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