I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
