you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
