I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
