I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
