So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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