Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize