Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
