I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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