guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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