My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
