my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
