Tell her she can't have a vagina
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
