Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
