i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
