gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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