Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I would ride that face into the sunset
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
