True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
