very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
