so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
