do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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