you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You are a genius and a whore.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
