I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
