This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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