I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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