He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
