he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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