I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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