I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
