you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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