I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
