I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
