there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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