ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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