Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
