dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize