New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
