I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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