worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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